For so many years - until my mid 40's infact - I'd jokingly refer to my makeup as my warpaint and each morning I'd "put on my war paint" oblivious to the implications and roots of this witticism.
Then one fine day whilst I was "putting on my war paint" in preparation for the day ahead, Mindfulness appeared out of nowhere and I was stunned to realise that in the background of my mind, I was also mentally creating and running through arguments, difficult situations, confrontations and areas of potential conflict, just in case they arose during my day, so that I would have the right answers to hand in a nanosecond. I'd had so many incidences of the above during the entire course of my life, that it had become second nature for me to go out there prepared rather than be taken off guard and risk defeat or upset - but it wasn't a conscious thought process!
As my spiritual awareness heightened over the years I realised that in referring to my makeup as war paint and then running through these imaginary arguments in my mind, I was unwittingly attracting all of the above into my daily life. I was sending the message out to The Universe "I am going into battle" and my signals were heard and conflicts in which to be victorious, were duly delivered to me ... my leonine ego and my Viking warrior ancestory was out of control as I craved triumph and recognition for my brilliant handling of the situation. (I might be exaggerating here ... Clearly i still have more work to do on my ego!!!)
Once I realised this, I changed the terminology to "face paint" - much better, much more zen and my heavy heart lightened it as I started my days as if going onto stage to entertain myself and others. To be the centre of attraction as any self-respecting Leo can't help but be (ego alert!!! Hahaha), light and amusing and attract fun instead of battles. This was surely better than bloodthirsty battles?
Further along my path to enlightenment, I had yet another realisation that in going onto the self-created stage of daily life, maybe I wasn't being authentic and by putting on the "face paint", I was hiding the real me? Who was I presenting to the world? A ficticios creature some days for sure! ... So how could I expect to be appreciated for who I am when she was hiding behind the slap?
No wonder I was constantly misunderstood because I was presenting a face to everyone around me and not my authentic self. The perfect makeup, the perfect hair tonged and sprayed into place, the perfect clothes for the very imperfect me - I was constantly misunderstood because I felt anything but perfect, and some days, weeks, months and years, I was seriously tortured beneath the surface paint for one reason or another!
Today, I'm even further along my spiritual journey and for many months now, I wear the bare minimum of makeup that I'm comfortable with and I see it is as a form of creativity rather than a disguise or a mask to hide behind, or giving Mel Gibson a run for his money (think blue warpaint in Braveheart).
Instead, it has a beautiful positive vibe, like creating a new picture every day and having fun with different looks to reflect today's mood ... reflecting the real me.
As I'm writing this, I've had another ah ha moment about my concerns of any romantic partner eventually seeing me without eyeliner and concealer. They'll see the scars around my eyes from the umpteen operations I had as a child and my irregular eye shapes; they'll see the scars as a result of an epic horse riding accident (that no one but me notices) OMG, Shock horror!! ... and then I realised, how can they possibly begin to understand me if they never see me and understand where I've been? I have war wounds because I've lived! I dared to be true to my Border Reiver ancestry and charge around the countryside on horseback, and I allowed my Leo nature to take to front and centre instead of being an extra in the movie of life.
Today/ tomorrow is the Scorpio full moon. Allow egos, fears and excess emotions to release and replace with gratitude for the lesions of life (that typo had to stay as it was better than "lessons") and the fantastic journey on this beautiful planet. Jealous or resentful? Release and replace with the gratitude for being shown what you want in life and ask for the drive and motivation to achieve it for yourself.
Much love and sparkles 💖
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Linda Jane W has been a Holistic Practitioner and Tutor for over 15 years.