Until the heart attack last year I was a party girl, quaffing champagne and cava, enjoying a VAT or a vino and dancing and giggling along with everyone else in a squiffy haze.
Then boom, my lifestyle was turned upside down and I was banned from drinking by the cardiologist who said one drink could stop my heart and I'd literally drop dead.
I'd always bounced back from life's challenges with Tiggeresque vigor and this was no exception ... With alot of hard work I hasten to add.
I worked - and continue to work - on the emotional causes of my heart giving me that all mighty Wake-Up call and this blog is part of that emotional quarrying.
Whilst resolving to find and release the emotions, life's events keep setting off deep seated chain reactions that I don't expect.
Recently, I woke up to the fact that the dramas that I experienced as a result of alcohol have left me traumatised and I honestly didn't see that whilst I was part of the party.
This is no sob story, but rather a realisation that I wanted to share as I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
I believe that I've become more and more sensitive to negative vibrations as I'm no longer numbing my own mind, body or spirit with alcohol ... Which is a recognised sedative and painkiller.
My second ex-husband was an alcoholic and during our 15 years together, he gaslit me by lying to cover his tracks, which messed with my head. I was in a constant state of confusion for many years. His words didn't match his actions but he persisted with his lies and blatant disregard for my feelings to the point that I pretty much had a nervous breakdown as I was quite literally driven to distraction by the mixed signals and messages. When I gathered my strength I broke free and divorced him ... and then landed in a rather fun relationship with a fella who turned out to be bipolar.
Frying pan and fire spring to mind!
His mood swings were very evident with alcohol when he'd turn, telling me that he hated the sight of my face and couldn't stand to be in the same room as me. Then he'd plunge into depression as he felt physically ill until a few days later he'd be fun and affectionate until the next time.
I was no angel at times under the influence so I stopped drinking in disgust at myself as I'd snap and shout like a fishwife. Because I was now sober, I'd see why I had been snapping ... The verbal abuse, the ridiculous behaviour, the poor judgement calls, the aggression and I finally understood and forgave myself.
Over several relationships I have been hit over the head with a saucepan, dropped intentionally down the stairs, ordered out of my home in the middle of the night, been threatened, punched and been on the receiving end of drunken rants like you wouldn't believe. I'd had my kitchen window smashed, been pinned down and told I could be headbutted till I had no face left - and yet, being a strong Amazonian woman, the worst thing to me is to mess with my head. To be lied to and told that my intuition was wrong meant my radar needed recalibrating but after having a good rethink, is still be told that I was wrong with lies.
Trust is the solid foundation that all types of relationships are built on and without that you have nothing because it isn't real.
If there is a need to lie then someone is covering their tracks. They are showing a lack of respect, and are messing with another person's gut instincts ... Their intuition which guides them on their life path and tells them which situations are good and bad.
What of the odd white lie? The definition is a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
... Not one to stop yourself getting into trouble.
And so, I've developed an aversion to alcohol and won't have it, or those under the influence in my house. Mi casa is my sanctuary, the place I run home to for safety and tranquility from the craziness. I literally panic or develop anxiety at the thought of being stuck in a social situation with over-squiffy people and need to have an escape plan. If I can't escape I I go into fight or flight mode.
I can actually feel the adrenaline in my body at the thought of anyone wobbling into my home drunk and kicking off.
That situation sets my heart beating fast and irregular and having had a heart attack and heart failure, I need to keep her as happy as possible so I have developed a zero tolerance for self preservation sake. Crazy considering that I was a very successful pub landlady for six and a half years and dealt with overly squiffy people everyday for most of that time. But I hadn't had a heart attack then!
... And I only realised that I have to work on releasing this, yesterday.
So the point is, trust your emotions and your gut. They are there to tell you if you're in the right place metophorically, physically and mentally and if you are anxious, get the hell out of that situation because if you accept it, you'll get more because The Universe will think that you like it and send you more.
Once again I thank the participants in the movie that is my life, for showing me the way regardless of their methodology. Life is a lesson. Learn and grow shiny happy people.
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It's becoming more and more clear to me that remedies - whether they be pharmaceuticals or natural herbs, tinctures, homeopathy etc - are there whilst we work on the emotional causes of our dis-ease which is manifesting in our bodies as an ailment.
The emotional work isn't an overnight process, it takes time to identify, unravel and release emotional energies from our vibration. It will have taken years for these emotions to build up to the point that they have so much energy that they can manifest into the physical reality of an ailment.
Whilst writing my book, "Wakey Wake-Up Rise and Shine" about my spiritual, emotional and physical journey post-heart attack and heart failure at the tender age of 52, I was using every holistic practice in my Spiritual toolbox. l also learnt more and recruited the wisdom and skills of other gifted healers.
This all worked fabulously well and supported my recovery in mega-fast time bringing my heart function up from 17% to 65% (normal) in just three months, but minor hiccups in my recovery made me aware that if natural remedies are needed and at all, then there was still an emotional imbalance to be worked on and lotions and potions weren't addressing those.
So, I reset my goal to negate my need for remedies full-stop. I resolved to heighten my awareness of what is within and what I needed to tweak about my perception of life, my responses, and ultimately what I attract into my world.
For example, recently in one week I was unjustly verbally attacked by a friend and then a few days later by another friend.
Initially I was so stunned and left reeling with upset that I didn't think beyond my own hurt and indignation.
Then I realised that it was the one year anniversaries of the heart attack and the few days later, heart failure. I thought there had to be a connection as I don't believe in coincidences.
I recruited the support of one of my spiritual gurus who pointed me in the right direction. The "attack" on my heart was especially alive in my vibration as it was in my thoughts this giving an "attack" the energy to come into reality. Each of my friends on the two separate occasions, had something alive within them that made them want to lash out at life and as I was unwittingly sending out "attack" vibes, I drew them straight to me and hey presto, verbal attacks.
Had I stopped at indignation and hurt I might never have made that connection and such attacks would surely keep reccuring - most likely transforming me into a hermit to avoid bewildering, future conflict.
Now I have something to work on with the law of attraction to clear old patterns. How very enlightening and liberating and I am determined to rid the need for any intervention!
Free yourselves ... Take what pills and potions you want to but please don't take the easy way out and think that's all you have to do. Your mission - should you choose to accept it - is to let go of the past and the negative effects that it has had on you, and instead attract love, beauty, fun, joy and shriek with delight as you ride the energy wave of life. 🌻
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Linda Jane W has been a Holistic Practitioner and Tutor for over 15 years.